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06 May 2009 @ 10:15 am
I am, well was...disappointed in myself.  First of all because my GPA dropped this semester, and I'm the only one to blame.  I slacked off so much and treated this semester as one of my last priorities.  Bad, right?  Well what's done is done and I'm going to try harder next sem.  But then again I'm still second-thinking the program I'm in.  What to do....

So I guess there's really no point in censoring or hiding this because as I've learned, nothing stays a secret.  Nothing.  I'm going to be completely straight up and say, yes I did talk shit about you Shannon, and no it wasn't  just out of no where or for my own amusement.  I personally hate being in drama and I tried my best to stay out of it during high school, hoping that none of it would follow me upon leaving.  Well obviously I was wrong, because I'm currently in this situation (though I completely understand I put myself in this position).  Last night after crying and trying to figure out what the hell was going on, I only ended up angry at myself, and basically, I just want out.  I let you get the worst of me, and I let things get to my head, which in turn only hurt me because shit gets around and as I said, nothing stays secret.  I've told myself numerous times before that I wouldn't let what others say get to me, but congratulations, you did it.  But whatever was said/happened, is over with and right now I'm just going to let everything go and disregard any shit that is said; be it in front or behind my back.  I'm sorry that I got caught up in this, and I'm sorry it possibly even ended up in me losing a friend.  Roald doesn't seem to believe that I care about our friendship, and I really don't know how to convince him otherwise.  

But right now, I'm just going to keep to myself, keep to my own life, do what I need/want to do, and if anyone would like to get in the way of that then fuck you.  The green monster within me was revealed through my (yes I'll admit to) rude and inconsiderate words and attitude, and I am truly ashamed of that.  No drastic changes are going to take place or anything, but now I know better.  Regardless of whether or not you care or believe that this is sincere, I'm sorry for how I behaved.  I know I'm better than this...

That's all.

P.s.  Excuse my french.